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How Failure Can Be Good For You
There’s this weird idea in modern society that failure is bad. It probably stems from this ferocious push for self-esteem that we’ve seen over the last decades. After all, self-esteem is all about measuring success and so naturally failure has become the enemy.
To put it simply, that’s stupid. Those that are too worried about self-esteem and not failing, aren’t going to be willing to try new things. And the entire point of life is about trying new things – particularly if you’re young. Here’s a fact that most young people will reject immediately. You haven’t figured life out yet. You don’t really know what you like yet and you don’t really know what will keep you happy into old age.
Those are things that you’re only going to discover as you move forward, try new things and adventure. And guess what, you’re not going to do any of those things if you don’t embrace failure as a real option.
‘Failing’ and ‘failure’ aren’t the same thing
A lot of people think they are. They think that when they fail they’re a failure. They couldn’t be more wrong. Anybody that excels started out failing. It doesn’t matter if they’re painters, writers, or one of those people that does trick shots at pool. They all couldn’t mix paints, sucked at grammar and ripped the pool cloth when they started out. It took them time to paint beautiful hands, write a book, or sink 18 balls with their forehead.
The biggest lie the modern world is telling is that greatness is born. It isn’t. It is made. Sure, it helps if you’re smart, talented and have rich parents. To think that these things make you great, however, is like thinking that reading lots of stuff makes you wise. Sure, it helps, but wisdom is a great deal more than having lots of information.
Otherwise the statement ‘you’re pretty stupid for a smart guy’ wouldn’t ring true so often.
Experiment while you can
Sound pretty convincing, right? Here’s the next thing to get a fire lit up under your… feet. The older you get, the harder it gets to experiment. The number of commitments that you’ve got in your life are going to multiply steadily. People are going to expect you to ‘get serious’ and ‘sort yourself out’ as you go on (I’m a writer, so I hear that kind of stuff all the time).
You don’t have that pressure yet when you’re younger. If you decide to go meditate alone, naked in the forest people will think you’re being kooky. If you decide to spend a week without seeing another person, locked up in your dorm and working on a project, people will think you’re driven. If you decide not to do the homework, you just buy thesis papers online.
When you try that in your forties, your spouse will complain, your children will hate you and your boss will probably fire you. Heck, even that’s not the case, the consequences will still be significant, as we’re expected to be ‘serious’ and ‘focused’ when we’re that old.
So use that! Use the fact that you’re young, that you’re free and that you can still do whatever you want. Sure, not all your experiments will work out, but that’s fine. They don’t need to. If 99 experiments fail and one succeeds phenomenally well, you’ll still be richer and more successfully than you can possibly imagine.
You don’t know what idea will be the one
In fact, that’s another good point. As you don’t yet know which is that idea that will make you rich, famous and beautiful (or just happy – which is better than all the other three put together) you’ve got to experiment. And the only way that you can do that, is by accepting that you are going to fail in a whole bunch of those experiments.
The road to success is lined with all of your failures. Everywhere there are wrecks of the things that didn’t quite work or blew up in your face. And sure, people might call you an idiot when it doesn’t work. That’s how they are. The moment you manage to find that one thing, however, then suddenly everybody is talking about how they always knew you had it in you. Suddenly, all those people that laughed about you behind your back are coming to you, bent at the waist, to tell you how they knew you always had it in you.
Each of your failures doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you the opposite of one. Each failure brings you close to that success, as each failure teaches you invaluable skills and insights that you otherwise would not have had.
Last words
If we knew which path led to success, all of us would be successful. That we’re not shows how difficult it is to know what is the right path and which are the right choices. For that reason, to get life right, you’ve got to accept that sometimes the choice you make is going to be the wrong one.
Even more importantly, instead of thinking that having made the wrong choice is an absolute disaster, you’ve got to then accept that this is a lesson that life has offered you. Sure, your startup has failed, your partner has left you and you’re in debt, but how can you use that to make you better? What did that startup teach you, who can you partner up with now, and how can you use that debt as motivation to push yourself forward?
The greatest minds all see failures as stepping stones to success.
So what are you going to be? An average mind? Afraid of failure and unwilling to throw yourself out there to make the best of life? Or are you going to be a great mind? Are you going to accept failure as a part of life and a lesson that can make you better and more?
For me, the choice is easy (it always has been). I take the road less taken, because when I look at the people who walk the known path, I see people I don’t want to be. And sure, I’ve failed a bunch of times. But there is still plenty of life left to live. One day soon I’ll have that breakthrough success.
And the only reason I’ll have it is because I’ll have all those failures at my beck and call to know what to do and what not to.
More of us do this than not. We decide on a career while we are still pretty
young; we pursue the education and/or training we need to have, and we take
our place on that career path. A number of years go by, and we become less and
less enchanted in our careers. What are we really doing with our lives? What are
we contributing to the betterment of either other people or of society in general?
Suddenly, we feel small and insignificant. And we know we have to make a
change. The question is, how do we do this without suffering losses – loss of a
career path we have built, loss of income, loss of prestige and respect from
others?
You Have to Get Over It
This is certainly easier said than done, and it is not an easy journey that you are
about to take. On the one hand, you really want to make a change; on the other
hand, you can be your worst obstacle. As mentioned above, you have all of these
fears, and they will stall you unless you can make the mental shift to get over
them.
Consider what your life will be like if you stay just where you are. Do you want to
retire at 65-70 with the knowledge that your entire work life has been wrong for
you? Consider the regrets you will have. This one thought should be foremost in
your mind, rather than one you may lose by a career change. Think instead of
what you will lose if you do not make a change.
Where to Begin
Begin by throwing all of the normal steps out the window. You can access job
boards; you can take career-interest inventories; you can develop a resume and
contact recruiters. But here is what you will find. The only positions you qualify
for are those that are related to your current career field. You are not looking for
a job change – you want a career change, and that will require a different
approach. Instead, here are some things you might want to do, and most of them
you can carry out while still in your current position, collecting that paycheck.
The key is that all of these things require action, not just thought.
1. Take a course or two. Have you always loved to write? Take a journalism or
creative writing class. Maybe you will discover that it’s really not for you.
Good. Eliminating those things that you have thought about narrows the
field a bit.
2. Make connections with new types of people. Chances are your
relationships have revolved around the same people over many years. It is
time to widen those horizons and get to know people from diverse
backgrounds. One of the best ways is to begin volunteering or to join
clubs/organizations that put you in contact with new people whose careers
and interests are “foreign” to you. One unhappy aeronautical engineer
joined a networking group focused on real estate. It was an area he knew
nothing about. Gradually, he developed an abiding interest in housing for
the poor. Today, he has his own business – buying depressed properties,
cleaning them up, and renting them through the federal Section 8 housing
program. He has become so “invested” in these neighborhoods that he now
fundraises to purchase abandoned buildings and set up community centers
for kids.
3. Don’t go it alone. Inertia is a “killer,” and it’s easy to remain inert when
others are not around to provide support and hold you accountable. Seek
out others, maybe even in your current organization, who feel “stuck” like
you do. Form a pact that you will push each other to stay active in your
pursuits, bounce ideas off of one another; use one another as “career
coaches” of sorts.
4. Widen your base of general knowledge. Don’t read books on career change.
Instead, spend time online exploring career fields. If you are an investment
advisor, do you know anything about teaching? About photography? About
broadcasting or blogging or the law? Gaining at least a cursory
understanding about what others do for a living may easily spark something
in you. When it does, it might be worth pursuing further. And don’t just
think about it - take some action. Take a day off and shadow someone in a
career field that has sparked your interest; set up a lunch or dinner meeting
with an acquaintance in a career that had piqued your curiosity.
5. Taking action may mean going back to school. If all of your research and
activities have resulted in an “aha” moment, then you must pursue that
career. It may mean that you return to formal education, even if only part-
time while you keep your current position. A Ph.D. school administrator
recalled this journey. She had spent many years in school getting that Ph.D.
It was a major struggle, even to the point that, when she had to produce
her dissertation, she had to seek help from a writing service, Rewarded
essays. About eight years into her career, however, she realized it was a
bad choice. At a high school reunion, she ran into a friend she had not
stayed in touch with – a friend who was now a lawyer working for the Legal
Aid Society in her state. Based upon that conversation, this school principal
had her “aha” moment. She was back in school the next semester, but this
time the struggle was not so tough – she was in a field that fascinated her.
Today, she is a public defender and loving what she does.
6. Don’t give up too soon. When career changes fail, it is often because
seekers expect a rapid change. This is a journey, not a short hop, and it
could take months or more.
Studies have shown that as many as 80% of employed individuals want to change
jobs, and a large percentage of this group wants to change careers entirely. You
have lots of company. The keys to making a successful change are taking action if
only to discover what is not a “fit,” exploring different career “worlds,”
considering what will bring you a sense of personal fulfillment, and, above all,
patience and persistence.
